By John Russo

Let’s Play Hockey Columnist

We are at that time of year when the youth hockey season hits its stride, when coaches are establishing the rules and relationships with players and parents.

To assist coaches with the very important and sometimes difficult task of dealing honestly and sincerely with parents, but at the same time trying to keep them “at arms length” from the team process, I have composed a “letter to parents” that coaches may want to use. It first appeared in Let’s Play Hockey nearly 20 years ago.

Dear Parents:

Another exciting season of youth hockey is upon us for your youngster and for you. We are looking forward to a very successful season in all of the proper respects. Surely, we want to win games, but not at the expense of the enjoyment, fun and development of your child. We also do not want to win at the expense of sportsmanship, fairness and a sense of working as a team. Actually, if we can create all of those (enjoyment, sportsmanship, etc.) along with good basic skill development and team systems, we will win our share of games.

My assistants and I have a dozen and a half youngsters to work with on an equal basis. We will see the team four to eight hours per week and will get to know each player pretty well as the season progresses. We will probably never know each youngster as well as you know your own, however. You will play an important role in your own child’s development this year and will directly affect how the chemistry and togetherness (critical items) of the team develops.

We are asking you to help optimize individual and team development by doing the following:

• Support your child in the most positive manner possible. Encouragement by parents is important to youngsters. They must know that you feel good about what they are doing. If your child is struggling, show some patience.

• Come talk to the head coach if you have concerns—the earlier the better. We need to know if you are not satisfied with what is going on. We will either give you an explanation or will talk out the situation so it can be resolved. We will also approach you if we feel it is appropriate.

• Try to recognize your child’s current level of ability and their “fit” within the team. Not everyone is the big goal scorer, for example. There are many key roles to be filled on every team. You will almost always overestimate your child’s abilities.

• Be positive at games. Cheer for your team, not against the other team. Please do not give the referees a hard time at any time as it can hurt the team. The refs try hard to be fair and seldom affect the overall outcome of a season. Remember: the breaks go both ways. Yelling probably makes your child nervous.

• Stress fairness and sportsmanship to your youngster. These are key traits that will be important for this season and for life.

• Get your child to practices and games on time—and don’t let the youngster skip these activities unless other important things are happening (always call a coach). Misses are hard on the team.

• Don’t interact with your child during practices and games in any manner. Interaction during performance is the sure path to poor performance and a high level of anxiety for the youngster. Try to put yourself in the other shoes.

Have a good time and enjoy the season.

Sincerely,

Your child’s hockey coaches

John Russo, Ph.D., is founder and director of the Upper Midwest High School Elite League. He was a captain at the University of Wisconsin, and his Coaches’ Corner columns have appeared in LPH since 1986.

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