News

Youth hockey brings out the worst of us

Details

Last Updated on Sunday, 27 May 2012 23:31

By “Not Your Typical Hockey Mom”

Having moved here from another state a few years ago, I’ve always heard of “Minnesota Nice.” Well, I guess they forgot the second half of the phrase … “unless you are at a youth hockey game.”

I was at a Bantam B hockey tournament in the Twin Cities this past weekend and saw the ugly side of Minnesotans. After the recent tragedies that shocked the hockey communities across the state, one would think that we (parents and players) would respect the game and each other at a heightened level, but apparently not when a hunk of plastic or a wood plaque is on the line, and that included our team.

Where do I begin? In the first game we were glad to see that the refs were being very strict, especially with the checking from behind and boarding calls.

But were they supported for their efforts to keep our kids safe? No! One man sitting in front of me would, at the top of his lungs, yell “boooo” after the ref made calls on flagrant penalties.

Far too many players being called for penalties would “mouth off” to the refs, including dropping the “f-bomb” at or in earshot of the ref. One player received two misconduct penalties in the game. We heard that in another early-round game, three players were ejected from the tournament for fighting.

On to the next game. As we watched the third period of the game preceding ours, we heard the refs repeatedly yelled at by the parents of both teams. And the parents yelled back and forth as well. One of the team’s head coaches was ejected from the game, and after the game, our son came out of his locker room to hear a parent from the losing team accost a ref, as he was headed to his changing room, with a barrage of profanity.

As we moved into the stands after the previous game ended,  I witnessed a grown man (hockey dad) arrive after many parents had already taken their seats in the stands, and walked directly  in front of them and stand on a seat, effectively blocking the view of everyone in the top three rows. When politely asked if he would move up to the top row so everyone could see, he refused “I won’t be able to see as well from there.” When his three “buddies” showed up to stand next to him (completing the visual blockade), he re-told the story of how he “stood his ground” like a war hero. By the end of this game parents on both sides were yelling at each other.

At the next game, another “hockey dad” displayed his sportsmanship when his team scored. He was cheering and whistling so loudly that it could be heard through the entire arena. Which is fine, but then he turned to the other team’s parents sitting next to him and hollered “BOOM!” (like “in your face”) at them after his team scored (his team was up 5-1 at the time).

And the final game … well, here is a brief summary:

• Refs not calling flagrant late hits, head shots and elbows. I don’t know why, maybe they didn’t get the memo, or they don’t’ care, or maybe they are tired of getting yelled at by parents, coaches and players when they do. I guess it doesn’t matter why because either way, they got yelled at all game long from the parents on both sides.

• Parents on one side yelling “hey” when they felt an illegal check was delivered. Parents on the opposing side mockingly yelling “hey” the rest of the game. How old are we, people?

• A player on one side gets an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for dropping the “f-bomb” on the ref about a non-call. These are 13-15 year old kids who think it’s OK to swear at the adult refs.

• Two players from the other team were ejected for trying to instigate a fight. This was the same team that had three players at the rink who were not dressed because they had already been ejected from the tournament in an earlier game. And the sad irony is that every player on that team had the red and white No. 13 decals on their helmets.

As the ejected players left the ice, the parents on one side cheered that the kids were ejected, and the parents on the other side cheered on the players behavior that got them ejected … a sad display all the way around.

• A kid on my son’s bench told him, “I’m sick of that kid hitting me late, I’m going to ‘run’ him next shift … at all cost.” He got a checking from behind penalty the next shift.

“Watch your backs out there guys!” That is NOT something that a 13-15 year old kid should have to say on any bench.

• The losing coaches allowed their players to skate off the ice without staying for the “award ceremony.”

As a parent, I am saddened to see that we allow YOUTH hockey games to bring out the worst of us. Worst of all, our children (those on-ice and off-ice) observed all this and will one day, model us. If the purpose of youth sport is to teach “life lessons,” what kind of “lessons” are we teaching our children?

That “no one but ME is important?”

That the rules and the spirit of the game are not important, and “get away with whatever you can?”

“Instead of winning gracefully, stomp on those when they are already down?”

“When things don’t go your way, act like a two-year old?”

I am not naïve enough to think that these few words will “change the world;” clearly even multiple recent tragedies in our small community have not. I do HOPE, however, that we ponder on WHY we are so emotional at youth games.

Our child’s team winning or losing is NOT a reflection of us. “WE” do NOT win or lose, THEY do, and their teams do. The success of your child in a youth hockey game does not mean you are GOOD parent. Their BEHAVIORS (and yours), regardless of whether you win or lose, does!