By Duncan Ryhorchuk

‘Tis the season to be jolly, ‘tis the season for New Year’s resolutions and ‘tis the season for “The Best Of” lists.

As we change the calendars to the New Year, we always seem to be inundated with lists – the top 10 plays of the year, 10 best goals, 10 best hits of the year, best saves of the year, play of the year … etc.

As an official, you hear your share of “one liners.” I have decided to, with the help of my fellow officials, make a list of “one liners” heard at the rink.
Oldies but goodies
(often yelled from the stands or bench)
•Open your eyes!
• You got to call that!
• Call it both ways!
• You missed that one!
• You need glasses!
• Homer!
• What are you looking at?

Coach to official
• “Can we try out our power play sometime this game?”

• Coach: “Did you see the high stick?”
- Official’s response: “No, did you see it?”

• Coach: “Are you kidding me?”
- Official’s response: “I can assure you I’m not.”

• Coach: “That was the worst call I have ever seen!”
- Official’s response: “I’m certain I could do worse.”

• Coach: “There’s no way you saw that!”
- Official’s response: “Sure did, my mother blessed me with eyes in the back of my head.”

• Coach: “You guys were the worst refs I have ever seen!”
- Official’s response: “Wow coach, you must have very high standards.”

• Coach: “How did you get into officiating?”
- Official’s response: “Coach, I went to renew my driver’s license and when I failed the vision test, they gave me a whistle and a sweater.”

• Coach: “Ref, you’re missing a good game!”
- Official’s response:  “Coach you are right, I was supposed to be on the other side of town doing an Edina/Eden Prairie game but instead I’m watching this one.” (Fill in your favorite powerhouse team)

Official to coach
• “If you’re going to be dumb enough to criticize my calls out loud, at least be smart enough not to let me hear you.”

• After a couple of periods of having the coach come unglued and telling me how blind I am, I skate over to the bench and ask for his ear. Then, as I look at and focus on the net, I say, “You know, the sight line to the net from here does really suck!”

• If a coach is dead wrong on an interpretation I respond, ”Coach, I’d love to agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

• I got in a conversation the other day doing a high school game, trying to explain why I didn’t call a trip:
- Official: “Your kid tripped over his own feet”
- Coach’s response: “That’s my first line center. If he can’t stay on his feet, we’ve got some problems.”

• Pregame meeting with coach:
- Official: “Coach, if you have a question, call me over and we can discuss it. I can’t change a call, but I can explain how I saw it.”
- Coach’s response: “Yes, you’ll tell me what you think you saw and then I’ll tell you how it actually happened.”

• During the game the coach is upset over something and calls me over:
- Official: “Coach do you have a question?”
- Coach: Then complains about a call/non-call.
- Official: “So you DON’T have a question;  let’s keep the game moving.”

• When an official goes to say hello to the coaches during the warm-up. The official says something like: “I’ll be glad to answer questions during the game. If you have a comment, please keep it to yourself.”

• A coach is on the bench with his arms up in the air wanting something:
- Official’s response: “This is hockey, not football, coach. Please put your arms down.”
Or: “Coach, put your arms down, you’re not on a roller coaster.”

Some of the times these comments are said are under one’s breath, or are just thought of after the situation passes. Also some “one liners,” are used in with sarcasm or tongue in cheek humor.

Humor can be used to lighten stressful situations. But it should only be used when respect is known between coach and official.

Most coaches and officials have respect for each other. They understand what is important in each game and how to handle the special situations that arise. These coaches and officials usually are the ones that have the most fun at each other’s expense.

Thank you to all that contributed to the lists, and keep enjoying the great game of hockey.

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