Feature Story

Kids speak out

 

By Hal Tearse

Minnesota Hockey Coach-in-Chief

 

While I was evaluating players at an Advanced 16 tryout session last week, I noticed a woman who was pacing the length of the rink behind us. It was apparent that when her son was on the ice, she was moving back and forth, following the play and occasionally stopping to focus in on the action. She was obviously very nervous and anxious about every shift her son took. I suspect she was exhausted by the end of the session. 

In the same week, I received an e-mail from an NHL coach who recently watched some Bantam and PeeWee games in Minnesota. He commented that the parents at one Bantam game nearly came to blows in the stands and at a couple PeeWee games, the parent behavior was so bad that most should have been removed from the building. He was appalled by the parents at the games.

While watching my son play lacrosse last summer, a parent of one player was running the sidelines shouting instructions to the players. During a break in the action I asked him if he played lacrosse growing up and he replied that he did not. My next question was, “Why are you yelling instructions to the boys?” He said because he felt that he was telling them what the coach wanted them to do and since he was closer to the players on that side of the field he was helping out.

My next question was, “What if it is not what the coach wants them to do?” To that he had no answer. I then commented that my rule is never to say anything out loud that might embarrass my son or his teammates. After thinking about what he was doing for a few minutes, he spent the rest of the summer quietly enjoying the games. Sometimes parents get caught up in games and react without thinking about the consequences. 

The Minnesota State High School League surveys 5,000 student athletes every four years on a wide variety of issues related to high school sports. The results are interesting and speak for themselves. The entire survey is located on the MSHSL website along with quite a bit of other valuable information.  www.mshsl.org

Here are the results of two questions in the survey as they apply to parent involvement in sports.

 

7. Rank the THREE things that you appreciate MOST about your parents’ attitudes toward your participation in athletics.

4,105 (27%)             A. They encourage me

1,076                          B. They don’t push me

3,177 (21%)           C. They attend most of my games

2,452 (16%)           D. They let me choose those sports I want to participate in

1,512                          E. They are supportive when I lose

1,412                          F. They give constructive criticism

1,208                          G. They believe that participation in sports is an important part of my high school education

 

8. Rank the THREE things that you appreciate LEAST about your parents’ attitudes toward your participation in athletics.

1,543 (20%)             A. They are too involved in my activities

1,914 (25%)           B. They try to control my participation

761                        C. They seldom/never attend my games

392                        D. They behave poorly when they attend my games

838                             E. They don’t respect my coach

1,731 (22%)           F. They criticize every mistake I make

629                        G. They feel participation in high school sports is not important

 

The survey questions above indicates that 45 percent of high school students feel their parents are too involved and try to control what their kids are doing in sports. This should be a wake-up call to parents of student athletes. Back off and let the kids work it out themselves. Less than 1 percent of all players will advance to participate past high school and there is nothing a parent can to do to change the outcome. Parents can create anxiety, frustration and disappointment for unfulfilled and unrealistic expectations. In the end, this is a losing proposition for parent and child.

Much has been written about the role of parents in youth athletics, and for the most part, the articles focus on negative parental behavior and over involvement. Minnesota Hockey has spent a considerable amount of time and effort with the HEP (Hockey Education Program) in an attempt to educate parents about the negative impact their behavior can have on their children in sports. Each youth association in the state has the materials and should be presenting the information to all parents each year in order to encourage supportive and positive attitudes at all games. Cheer for both teams on the ice!

T o look for ways to support your son or daughter in hockey in a manner that will help them enjoy the experience and get the most benefit out of participation go to the website for the Positive Coach Alliance and take their Positive Parent Online quiz (www.positivecoach.org/ParentCourse.aspx).

 

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